Friday, October 14, 2011


So I've decided that I'm bored of not doing. I'm actually quite bothered by the idea of my walk with Christ revolving around what I'm not doing. I think that Christianity can so easily be misconceived as the idea of not doing things making us better people; and thats  totally not the point. I really don't think that not drinking excessively, not swearing, or not smoking can make you a Christian. I mean don't get me wrong, I disagree with all of  those things,  but I feel like what your not doing is such a small part of the story. Instead, why cant we focus on what we are doing to reach out to this hurting world? And what we are doing to show others how fantastic a relationship with the creator of this world really is? I fear that we're hiding behind the lie that we can base our faith journeys on what we don't do, because we're afraid to step out and "do". Its so much easier to just be the kid that doesn't go to parties, then it is to  be the kid that steps out and makes an impact on every life they possibly can, no matter what they "do" or "don't do." I know that God will do absolutely fantastic things with anyone who is willing to abandon everything (including their fear) and step out to glorify his name. 

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The question of the year..

"What are you doing next year Tannis?" "Hey Tannis, what are your plans for next year?" "So Tannis, have you decided what next years gonna bring for you?"  "where are you going next year?"

are you getting my point? This seems to be the most popular topic of conversation no matter where I  show up these days. Not that I mind really, I'm actually quite excited to go try something new. Theres only one slight problem... THIS MEANS THAT I"M GROWING UP!!!!!!!! I think that is a little much to handle (for both me and the world).  I mean, everybody's been dreaming about what their going "be when they grow up" since they could talk I'm pretty sure, but now its supposed to be a reality? I'm actually supposed to "be" something other than a high school student? Thats a little intimidating of a suggestion for my liking. I mean, I know that God has a plan and such, but the whole actually living it out part is where I start to shake, and I'm pretty sure hyper ventilating is the next step.

 So be on the look out for a crazy curly haired teenager in some sort of unfortunate state of shock.. its probably me thinking about facing my future!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Catch up.

Wow, been long enough since I posted on here?.  I'm not sure why, it most certainly has not been a boring two months. Heres a quick recap of some crazy adventures this summer.

 July: So I spend my first month of summer at SABC; it was nothing short of wonderful. The program I did was called Teleios, which is a super fancy greek word that means becoming mature and complete. I spent the first two weeks getting to know everyone in my program, in ways you can barely imagine. We did all sorts of these crazy "group development activities" that were incredibly challenging, but pretty great memories to look back on. We also spent a lot of time doing bible studies, and learning how absolutely incredible God is. I fell even more head over heels in love with my creator and my saviour, and it was amazing to really get to know him more. The last two weeks I was there, I got the opportunity to Jr. Counsel. God blew my mind in such amazing ways. Both weeks I was blessed with amazing senior counsellors, whom I learned so much from, and built amazing friendships with. All of the kids I got to see God at work in all of the kids I counselled, in ways big and small. It amazed me to see what God could do through me, but in a way it was humbling to see that it was God working in me, I was simply the messenger he worked through. I often found myself feeling discouraged and confused if I didn't set time aside each day to spend with Jesus. Although  a challenge, it was incredible to see his power.  It was an amazing month, and definitely changed me.

August: Well, I worked, I worked, oh and did I mention I worked? Being home was definitely different. It was really interesting to see my " camp bubble" popped, and  to test out how much I had really changed, when I wasn't in an environment  completely surrounded by people who felt the same way I did.  It was a challenge, but God  for sure showed me that he was bigger than any challenges this world can bring, and that I can live for him through all of it. I also got to spend a lot of time reconnecting with friends, and doing some crazy stuff with them, I don't know what I'd ever do without those guys (:

So now I'm attempting to get back into the swing of things.. back to school, youth is starting up soon, Girls club and mentorship are getting started too. I'm officially a twelfth grader, so thats kinda cool. Im ready to make this last year an excellent one!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

"Summer is where the girls go barefoot, and their hearts are just as free as their toes" - annonymous

Well, what do you know.. my very first post as a not grade eleven student!! I'm movin up in the world folks!! Well, as much as you can call moving from grade eleven to grade twelve a step up! More importantly though, being done grade eleven means that its summer!!! Heres a glimpse at all of the exciting things i am soo looking forward too:

a) camp is in t-13 days
b) in t-13 days I am going to camp
c)thirteen days from now, I will be at camp
d) in one day less that two weeks from now, camp will be my place of attendance
e)The month of July is fast approaching, and on the third day of this month i will make my way to camp.

 Catching my drift? Im just a little excited (: . I cant wait to see God work in so many amazing ways. Spending a month focusing on him will be great, and I am so ready to dive in!!!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

the first big step!

So currently I am sitting in Social class. But not just any social class. This my friends is the VERY last high school Social class I will ever ever sit in on a Thursday afternoon. Am I excited? yes, of course I am.. this is one step closer to freedom! One step closer to being out of this jungle of a high school! But I must say, I'm also rather terrified. Not only does this mean I have a diploma to write in T-5 days, but it also means I am one step closer to freedom! Having to make decisions by myself? No more high school walls to determine how I spend five days of my week? I feel like that involves responsibility; and I can't say I'm ready for that! Granted, this is only one grade twelve class,  I am most certainly still a grade eleven. But still,  this is a rather monumental step i believe, actually being finished a core class!  I am terrified, excited, and in need of studying instead of blogging... perhaps the next time you hear from me I will be able to join the members of society that can say they completed an entire core class.. Grades one to twelve! Maybe i should spend some time actually working in that class now...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My cliche teenage girl post..

Okay, so you all officially have the right to call me a crazy shallow ditzy girl now.  This may or may not be an all new low. But i think I'm figuring out what all those cheesey  love songs are talking about. Thats right, all that "heart skipping a beat" junk? I totally get that feeling.. every time he looks at me. Or perhaps smiling when his name comes up on my cellphone? yeah, all the time. I feel like SUCH a girl.. but its true! I feel like my heart is melting a little, and i just cant help it.  And I'm not in love, i promise.. I'm saving that emotion for more than just a stupid teenage crush... But honestly, I'm smiling just thinking about you right now... (:

"we should get jerseys, cus we make a good team,               
       But yours would look better than mine, cus your
                           out of my league..."
                                                             ( yet another dorky love song that makes me think of you..) 

Monday, May 9, 2011

Construction Bin- 1 Honda-0

You know what I hate? High school rumours. But welcome to living in a small town i guess. Give it two days, tell two people. and before you know it the whole town knows whats up with your life! And the problem is, they don't just know whats up with your life. Which honestly isn't that much of a problem.. so long as the actual story gets told.  But when you go to school, and the entire student body wants to know about your car accident with random strings of rumour attached, it gets a little ridiculous. So here is the real complete no rumours attatched edition of the day my car (well my mom's car actually) got in a fight with a rather gigantic construction bin.

 So I was driving, by myself ( which I am very thankful for)  and i had just turned a corner I had stopped at the stop sign perfectly good, and then I  turned. I decided that since it was nice out  i should try and figure out how to work the sunroof. I looked down for probably half a second, but i didnt know which button it was.. so I decided to look up and focus on the road, and I'd worry about the sunroof when I got to the school. By the time I looked up though, I was swerving right, hard core. What I didnt realize was that the block i was on curved quite a bit, but since i was looking down i just kept going straight.  i panicked and slammed on the gas instead of the break, and slammed into a kind of bfi bin..only bigger... i moved it eight feet with my car! my airbags went off and the car was completely ruined. It was amazing how much God was there though. because first of all, there was a mom with a baby in a stroller on one side of me, and a man fertilizing his lawn on the other.. and i  managed to end up between them. also, just on monday a couple of my friends had told me to move my seat back in case my airbag came out, because i used to sit RRREEAALLLYYY close to it.. and i ended up  moving  it just before i left the house on Friday.. or else i wouldnt be here. I got away with just a burn from the airbag, and a couple scrapes and bruises. God was so obviousely there with me, it was absolutely amazing. I was listening to a tenth avenue north song that really spoke to me after this. The lyric was "the one the wind and waves obey, is strong enough to save you." This was such a spiritual wake up call for me, because God deffinitely saved my life that day. But it made me realize how quickly life can be taked away from you, and just how precious and fragile it really is.

Heres the worst part of my injuries.. you know someones watching over you when.....

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

and if i didn't do the right thing I'm sorry.

and if I didn't do the right thing I'll know its all my fault.

Friday, April 22, 2011

" Jesus paid it all"

  1. I hear the Savior say,
    “Thy strength indeed is small;
    Child of weakness, watch and pray,
    Find in Me thine all in all.”
    • Jesus paid it all,
      All to Him I owe;
      Sin had left a crimson stain,
      He washed it white as snow.
  2. For nothing good have I
    Whereby Thy grace to claim;
    I’ll wash my garments white
    In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.
  3. And now complete in Him,
    My robe, His righteousness,
    Close sheltered ’neath His side,
    I am divinely blest.
  4. Lord, now indeed I find
    Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
    Can change the leper’s spots
    And melt the heart of stone.
  5. When from my dying bed
    My ransomed soul shall rise,
    “Jesus died my soul to save,”
    Shall rend the vaulted skies.
  6. And when before the throne
    I stand in Him complete,
    I’ll lay my trophies down,
    All down at Jesus’ feet.

The backup plan...

So I have a confession. As much as I do want soo badly to fall in love, have a family, and live your average life.. I do have a back up plan. Despite the fact that I am a crazy hopeless romantic, and my ultimate lack of love life is quite frustrating, a little part of me is thinking theres a much easier way out.  So heres the thing.  I love cats.. like so much. And not only that, but they tend to love me back. My cat is actually sitting beside me purring right now, just as she has been for the past hour. This being said, wouldn't I make the greatest crazy cat lady ever?!?!?!?!? I mean I totally think I could pull it off. Just buy a creepy old house on a corner, and breed a whole bunch of cats! It'd be much easier that going through the heartache of boys! And theres something about cat,  thats just so great. Its like they have a sixth sense or something. Somehow my cat always knows  knows when i'm upset, and shows up in my room and awkwardly nuzzles herself against my arm. I don't know how she knows this, its borderline creepy, but I love it. Also, a cat is never going to argue with you, and you can vent to it all you like without feeling selfish for talking about yourself a lot.  Its perfect. Not to mention there kind of adorable. 

So there you have it. I secretly envy those stereotypical creepy cat ladies. Judge if you wish But i think its a great back up plan. I promise you though, that it is definitely just the back up plan. You can be sure that i will try my best to fall in love with a human before i result to this, despite the heartbreak it may cause. =)

Friday, April 15, 2011

keep your mind wide open =)

So I'll be the first to admit it. I'm the queen of assumptions, the master of pre- judgements,or any other cheesy title you can think of along those lines. So of course yesterday, when I was told that the entire female student body was attending a Women's conference, I was far from excited. And obviously since I am the Queen of assumptions, i had to be right! Or not....   It was actually really great. I left feeling rather inspired. It was  cheesy, I'll admit that. But I mean I'm lactose intolerant; i've gotta get me cheese somehow!!!! okay worst joke ever. But I was really happy, and this even gave me a lot to think about, and somewhat of a new outlook. Also I heard a great joke, from the best teacher/ vice principal a person could have who is pretty much a gigantic inspiration to me.. and lucky for you all, i found it on the internet, so I'm going to share it =) I'm warning you, it is a little cheesy.. but i love it!! But first.. lesson of the day: I shouldn't make pre judgements, because apparently i'm not the queen of making accurate ones after all.

The W.C joke.

Sometime ago, an English school teacher, looking for rooms in a small town in Switzerland, asked the local school headmaster to make recommendations. He showed her several different places and she finally settled on a small but charming cottage not far from the town centre.
However, on her way home, it occurred to her that she didn't notice a Water Closet ("WC"), so she immediately sent an email to the headmaster to ask if there was a WC in or near the cottage.
On receiving the email, the headmaster was troubled, because he was not totally familiar with many English abbreviations. He then decided to ask his friend, the local parish Priest, for assistance. After considerable discussion and deliberation, they concluded that the lady was referring to a "Wayside Chapel" (a place of worship), so they sent her the following reply:
"I am delighted to inform you that the WC is situated only 2 miles from the cottage you rented, and it is set amongst a beautiful grove of trees with wonderful scenery, and it is capable of seating up to 250 people, however there is also standing room for another 100 people. In fact, sometimes it is so busy, we actually have people standing outside the open doors peering inside to observe the various proceedings inside !
The WC only opens on Wednesdays and Sundays and I hope this will not inconvenience you if you are used to going more regularly. On the other hand, I'm sure you will be pleased to know that many people even bring their lunch with them and make a day of it, while others who cannot spare so much time often arrive by car just in time. I would highly recommend that you visit the WC on Sundays, as there is always an organ accompaniment. With such huge pipes, the sound quality is truly excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard audibly by everyone.
It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in our WC and it was actually there that she met her husband ! I remember the day quite well, because there was a rush for seats and there were 12 people sitting where only 10 would usually sit, and it was wonderful to see the expressions of happiness on their faces.
My father has been a regular visitor to our WC since he was a young boy, and he recently donated a bell to commemorate the 50th anniversary of his first visit, and the bell rings every time somebody enters the WC. A bazaar will be held during the time of your visit in order to raise funds to help to upgrade the seating, as some residents feel  the seats are somewhat hard and uncomfortable in their present state.
My wife, who is rather delicate, can't attend as often as she would like. It has been six months since her last visit and I can assure you this situation pains her greatly.
Anyway I shall be delighted to reserve a seat for you next to me in our WC during your visit.
With my warmest regards,

PS: Remember to bring your camera, as I am sure you will want to keep a memento of your visit to our WC. If you don't have a camera, do not worry, as our newspaper editor attends every session of the WC and he usually publishes selected photographs in our town newspaper "The Sentinel".

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A story under a shell.

So today I went to the library. I didn't have a crazy amount of time, so I was mostly just walking around, observing things... okay so I'll admit it, I was observing people. I'm a little bit of a creep like that. Its amazing though, the diversity of people you see in a library. In my like three minutes I managed to see:

- A couple of girls studying over coffee.
- A little girl sprawled across the floor, completely enthralled by Robert Munsch.
- A man who was probably twenty five, sitting and sucking his thumb.
- A mom with four young kids, trying to juggle them as they screamed about whose turn it is to choose the movie.
- A twentyish ( and I'll admit, ridiculously handsome) man reading about mechanics of some sort.
-A teenagish girl crying over a romance book.
- Some older ladies gossiping about how rigged the communities in bloom competition is.

So my thought. All of these people have a story. Every single one of them has joys, confusion, trials, heartbreak, secrets,  temptation, amongst other emotions within that shell that I saw. A persons image is really just that.. an image. It doesn't nessacarily  mean anything at all. The stories within those images could be so amazingly different then anything i could assume.   Its crazy  that God knows all of these things, about all of these people.  He could recite  their stories back to you better than they could. And he loves them more then anyone else ever could. Every single one of them.  He loves each person individually, not for how they appear, but for who they are, and who he has created them to be. I know this probably seems like a concept you hear all the time, but God showed it to me today.. and i thought it was cool =)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

the edge.

I'm trying not to be  frustrated.
 I want so badly to not let this phase me.
I know I need to leave my whole life in the hands of my father.
And Somewhere in me I know that he knows what he's doing.
But I cant take much more,
I feel like I'm slowly being pushed over the edge.
I Dont know what will happen if I fall.

Monday, April 11, 2011

my least favourites..


reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of aperson or thing; confidence.
confident expectation of something; hope.
confidence in the certainty of future payment for property orgoods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

Well thats what the dictionary says anyways. If i were to write the dictionary it would be more like "Trust:  The most valuable thing that pretty much holds your life together.  Despite its value, it is extremely easy to take advantage of. When you break it, you automatically feel horrible about yourself."


depressed or discouraged by the failure of one's hopes orexpectations: a disappointed suitor.

Once again, if i were to write the dictionary... "disappointed: The only word that can make you feel about eighty times worse then anything said in anger. When inflicted upon you, has a tendency to make you feel like the suckiest daughter in the world. The last thing you want to come out of your mothers mouth."

This is me  making incredibly stupid descisions.


Saturday, April 9, 2011

a penny for my thoughts:movies.. well minus the penny

So movie night with mom= love.
But I have a thought. I honestly cannot remember the last time I watched a movie where people weren't sinning for fun. Like actually, in almost every movie you watch, people are doing "it" (fill in here please [:) amongst other things, just for fun! Or even just swearing, it just the most normal things in movies (well in the real world too.. but thats not the point) And for some strange reason i get my entertainment from this? I Don't get how we get enjoyment from watching people sin, but in all honesty i do.  I definitely smiled  when the perfect couple slept together after the first date, and laughed at the crazy drunk people making stupid mistakes. Why?  I really don't know. I know that both of the above are wrong, and I try to avoid being around that stuff in real life. But for some reason I get my entertainment from watching it. And I'm pretty sure thats not right. I want to surround myself with things that Glorify my savior; not be entertained  by watching people sin against him.

Thursday, April 7, 2011


Right now I'm sitting here,  upset about things in my life. Thinking about how not fair it is that sucky stuff has to happen sometimes. Wondering  why thinks cant work out how I'd like them to.. just for once.  Sulking in my own self pity of how my life didn't turn out as I expected it too.

Ironically enough, I'm also sitting here half an hour into a thirty hour famine. An event to raise support for kids in third world countries with nothing. Trying to help girls who   are already trying to raise a family with little to no resources. Or even kids left completely alone, with no family to help them get by.   all they want is too live.

REALITY CHECK?? : Im starting to think i need to stop complaining.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Shoutout: sooo nervous

If anyone happens to read this before ten o clock tomorow morning, it would be awesome if you would pray that my drivers test would go okay. Rightt now, I am insanely nervous, I honestly have no idea if I'll pass or not. So yeah, if you could pray, that would be awesome and a half =)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Believe and be satisfied... annonymous

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But, to the Christian, God says,
“No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me – exclusive of any other desires and longing. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing – one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the BEST. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep that satisfaction, knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you; and you must wait.

Don’t be anxious, and don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away and up to Me, or you’ll miss what I have to show you.

And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working right this minute to have both of you ready at the same time), and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I’ve prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and his is the perfect love.

And, My dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and enjoy materially and sincerely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you Myself. I love you utterly. I AM God Almighty.
Believe and be Satisfied.”


Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm Home.

And all of a sudden its back.
I'm in love, and its a love like no other.
I cant get enough of you,
all of a sudden your word has come alive,
and I want so badly to discover every part of it.
I've missed this ever growing passion,
this love sweeping over every part of my being.
and I've never felt such satisfaction,
feeling your love as I run back home.

Friday, March 25, 2011

I want that back.

I'm looking for a hint of motivation,
Im searching for a piece of inspiration,
I want to fall in love,
with loving you again.

You died for me.
How can I find it so hard 
to live for you?

I want that love back,
I want this life to be more of you
and less of what I want.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I never thought you'd run.

I didn't realize that me letting go
would mean that you would run away.

I was tired of  fighting so hard to maintain this friendship,
when I wasn't even sure I belonged.

But I didn't think that would mean you would forget it ever happened,
it makes me wonder if you were really holding on in the first place.

I wonder if you ever would have been there to hold my hand when I couldn't walk alone,
or if that shoulder to cry on was all in my head.

So maybe it was time to let go,
I'll just stay here and you watch you run away.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I           wish       our                   could           of        than
  really         that       relationship         consist    more

walking      eggshells.

I        I            afraid    tell      that       not       perfect
wish    wasn't          to      you       I'm       the            girl

you've            wanted.

And   wish       could     that  am            but     cant    perfect.
       I        you        see      I      trying,         I         be

I know that you love me despite all this. But i wish that you loved me for trying, rather than loving me despite the fact that my trying isn't good enough.